Gratitude, the Super Power for All Seasons

As I write this, it is the day before Thanksgiving in the US. People are busy wrapping up work; traveling distances to be with loved ones; making last-minute runs to the grocery store; making pies (if you're lucky); rehearsing the timeline for the turkey, stuffing, and mashed potatoes; and coming up with a strategy to avoid heated conversation about politics or those pesky buttons that, when pushed, derail many a family gathering. 

Today, on the busy eve of Thanksgiving, it’s a good time to talk about gratitude.  

Do a quick survey of the habits of successful people, and you will find many who swear by their gratitude practice. It could seem like new-age  fluff – this gratitude thing. But truth be told, this habit has teeth. Gratitude is a potent force that can change your brain, your body, and your behavior.

“It could seem like new-age fluff – this gratitude thing. But truth be told, this habit has teeth. Gratitude is a potent force that can change your brain, your body, and your behavior.”

The practice of gratitude – the deliberate act of recounting the positive things in one’s life – nourishes the brain with the happy hormones of dopamine and serotonin. It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to know that a happy brain changes how you experience your life and the world you live in. It's true: when I am in a good mood, anything seems possible.

But it’s not just the feel-good aspect of gratitude that gives it a super-power status.  Studies show a link between gratitude and altruistic action. Gratitude wires us to act generously in the world – for the benefit of others. To make the equation even more powerful, acting generously increases the experience of fulfillment. Gratitude is a productive, reinforcing loop of perspective, connection, and contentment.

And it doesn’t stop there. Gratitude is linked to decreases in stress and increases in the body’s immune function. In fact, gratitude supports the limbic system – the system that makes our bodies function well. And to add to this happy cascade of effects, the more you practice gratitude, the more it becomes your MO, your default position. Your brain gets wired for gratitude.

Gratitude fuels the human drive for social connection – of experiencing ourselves as connected to one another and to the world we live in. And so, this year, I’d say that Thanksgiving isn’t coming a day too soon.

Amidst the wreckage of a brutal and prolonged Presidential election season, and the ensuing angry political climate that is broadcast through news and social media 24/7, we need the healing balm of gratitude. Now, more than ever, we need to pull ourselves out the unproductive mindset of isolation and disconnection. We need the elevating, high-leverage mindset of gratitude to inspire our efforts to contribute productively and give our best each day.

Thanksgiving is a harvest festival. It is a time to gather, assess, and acknowledge the fruits, the gifts, that have come from our own labor and from the labor of others. It is a time to acknowledge the value, blessings, and hidden gems of here and now; and to remember we are part of something bigger.

Certainly, you can check out the studies on gratitude to be convinced of its productive impact. Or, better yet, you can conduct your own experiment. See for yourself. 

Try taking one minute at the close of each day to recall three to five things – major or miniscule, tangible or intangible, that you are grateful for that day.  There is no limit to the things in our world to be grateful for. Perhaps it is a new project, a great idea, an inspired thought, the perfect cup of coffee, the comforting presence of your cat, the support of a friend, the ability to listen to someone’s pain, the laughter of a child, the hopeful feeling that you are making progress in your work, the smile of a stranger, the impulse to smile back, the beauty in your home, a good cup of tea, the joy you feel when you make something or give a gift, the talent of another.... 

I recommend that you write down your gratitude list. It helps to add a physical habit (writing) to support a mental one. I use the app Day One to capture what I am grateful for - in a quick list, sometimes with an added photo. A journal or notepad will also do the trick. Do this practice at the same time every day and link it to other habits so that you remember. Maybe you do it before you turn off the light before sleep. Or before you exercise. 

This gratitude training will help you count rather than discount the beautiful details of your daily life. This is the secret recipe those successful people have discovered: When you make the effort of gratitude, you color your world into one of opportunity, clarity, optimism, and inspiration.  

Try it out, and see if it doesn’t uplift and transform the way you feel and how you see. Build the muscle of gratitude to shed light on your life, appreciate your bounty, and share your gifts with the world. Use the gratitude super power to live an epic, everyday, productive life of purpose, perspective, and contribution. Gratitude saves the day and works wonders. And it's as easy as pie. 

On my gratitude list today? All of you – those who seek to do great work. You inspire me and give me hope. And without hope, nothing gets done. With hope, anything is possible.

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

 

The Truth about Email and What You Can Do About It

It's time to talk about email. 

Just the mention of it and eyes roll, heads shake in resignation, stomachs tense. If there is a resounding, visceral complaint from my clients, it’s about email. They can’t keep up with it. They are wasting too much time on it. They are overwhelmed by it.

Studies show that professionals spend (on average) 25% of the day on email and check it 36 times an hour.  Yes, an hour. To make matters worse, the constant fielding of email has shown to have negative cognitive effects, resulting in a decrease in IQ by about 10 points – equal to losing a night’s sleep. Apparently, the brain does not like the constant interruption of email.

“Apparently, the brain does not like the constant interruption of email.”

 

But the complaints don’t tell the whole story. Our relationship to email is more complicated. 

Take a look around.

On the street, people are walking while focused on their mobile devices, checking email (along with texts and social media). And even those who are not checking their phones are clutching them, like a digital security blanket. In restaurants, people sitting together are glued to screens.

Back at the office, an email notification pops and we jump. We hang out in our inbox and can’t seem to get to our “real work.” And at home, after the kids the go bed, we are back at it. For the most part, email runs us – in and out of the office.  

So, what’s up with that? 

I know, we have good reasons to check email constantly. We need to be responsive to our bosses, to our clients, or to our colleagues on the other side of the planet. Or we just fear getting more behind.

These reasons may be valid. Yet, they serve as a convenient cover to another reality: When it comes to email, we are compulsive. In fact, we may be addicted.

“When it comes to email, we are compulsive.
In fact, we may be addicted.”

 

Turns out, checking email can stimulate the release of dopamine in the brain - the natural, feel-good hormone. It is, apparently, in the anticipation of checking email that dopamine gives its happy hit.  This is why, in email, new is always better. The next email is way more enticing than the one we are reading.

Psychologists say there is another factor that drives our compulsive habits around email: the concept of “random reinforcement.” You never know when one of those emails has information that will make you happy. So in the perpetual quest for feel-good news, you check and check and check.

Now that the addiction element is on the table, let’s get real about how we "manage" our email.

 

So much information is flooding through the gates of our inbox that we naturally end up hanging out there. It’s where the action is. By default, we turn the inbox into a makeshift control center. In the name of efficiency and expediency, we make our inbox do double duty as a to-do list.

Pretty smart, right? 

Wrong.

Here’s why that doesn't work:

 

It Keeps you in the reactive mode.

“Using the inbox as a to-do list will keep you in the reactive mode. You are relying on others to prompt your action (through email). It puts you on your heels, rather than on your toes. ”

Using the inbox as a to-do list will keep you in the reactive mode. You are relying on others to prompt your action (through email). It puts you on your heels, rather than on your toes. On defense, rather than offense. What about all those things that you are to initiate, lead, champion?  They often don’t happen – because you are focused on email – other people's email. This is the genesis of the reactive, fire-fighting, emergency-driven work culture.

Yes, some people try to address this by proactively emailing themselves tasks. But that is a short-sighted work-around that only adds the busywork of reading and processing email. If you have to email yourself to get your attention, it's safe to say that your system may be broken.

 

You have to keep defining your actions.

Thinking of your inbox as a to-do list is actually misleading. It is not a list of clearly defined actions; it's more like a pile in which the actions are buried, like needles in haystacks. The actions you need to take as a result of an email are not usually stated. They are implicit. You have to pull them out of the paragraphs of information and your tacit knowledge about the context.

Simply flagging all the emails that are relevant for your actions is like having a big stack of paper that you have to keep rifling through to re-define what it is you need to do. This approach wastes time and energy, keeps you buried in weeds, and is a recipe for things falling through the cracks.

 

It sets you up for constant Interruption. 

When you use your email as a to-do list, you will likely live in your inbox most of the day. And that opens you up to constant interruption from all the shiny, new email coming in. 

The capacity to maintain focus is an essential skill for productivity. Hang out in your inbox for awhile and you will destroy your focus - distracted by the stream of incoming email. Even if you are able to stay focused despite the incoming email, you are doing it at cost - the cost of the willpower you must exert to not follow the trail of every incoming email. 

If you do get distracted by incoming email, studies indicate that it will take you about 12 minutes to recover your original focus. And FYI, professionals spend approximately 2 hours every day recovering from interruptions - either from others or self-imposed (like hanging out in your inbox).

 

Want to take back control of your email? Here's how:

 

MAKE YOUR INBOX AN INBOX.

Most people have a mess in their inbox. Here's what is stashed in there:

  • Unread emails
  • Read emails
  • Emails that you've read and marked unread
  • Emails to act on
  • Emails to respond to
  • Emails to remind
  • Emails to figure out
  • General reading
  • Important emails
  • Irrelevant emails
  • Interesting emails
  • Why-did-they-send-this-to-me emails
  • Emails to act on right away
  • Emails that may be useful one day
  • Junk 

For most, the inbox is a big box of apples and oranges and bananas and pears and - you get the idea. There are all manner of items sitting together, unorganized. When you are in your inbox, your brain hums under the surface (re)sorting and (re)grouping and (re)figuring out what it is that you are looking out. With this mishmash of stuff in the inbox, the chances that something gets lost goes way up.

What should be in your inbox? Email that you have not read. 

“What should be in your inbox? Email that you have not read. ”

Every time you look at your inbox you will know immediately what you are looking at: emails you have not read yet.

Making your inbox an inbox is not to achieve an award for the ever-elusive "Inbox-Zero" status. This is about running your email rigorously, efficiently, effectively. The reward is clarity, decisiveness, progress.  

What do you do with the email once you have read it? Read on... 

 

PRACTICE Front-End Decision Making. 

When you read an email, decide what you need to do. I know, radical. 

Most people interact with their email by reading a new email and moving on to the next one (remember, new is always better). This is a sloppy and costly habit.

Every time you move on to the next email without deciding and defining what to do next, you are pushing work into your future. People's inboxes are overflowing with indecision. This scanning habit doesn't move the work forward. It keeps you stuck rereading and recycling through email. It puts an extra burden on your brain of all the implicit actions that are buried in your email. 

If you aren't in a position to make a decision about your email, don't read them. It's a waste of time. The only thing you are doing is freaking yourself out.

For example, don't use the time walking from your office to a meeting to look at your email. What is the point ? You make yourself vulnerable to distraction, which means that you won't be ready to make a great contribution in the meeting. 

Better to read email fewer times a day with full focus and decision-making muscle, than to read absentmindedly throughout the day. 

When you read the email, decide on the specific action you need to take. This is called front-end decision-making. This habit alone will revolutionize how you work for the better. Front-end decision making will save you from the cumulative hell of indecision and ambivalence. 

What do you do once you decide the action you need to take? Read on ... 

 

Stage your email for Action.

Once you decide what you need to do as a result of the email, you will move the email out of the inbox and stage it for action.

To do this, set up staging folders. These folders are not permanent resting places. Instead, think of them as temporary lists that indicate what you need to do next. Here are the basic email staging folders:

 

01 RESPOND

This folder is for email you need to respond to or forward. If, in addition to responding, you need to do an additional action, note the action on your to-do list.

 

02 ACTION SUPPORT

This folder is for emails that you do not need to respond to, but you do need it in order to complete an action. Note the action on your to-do list. 

For example, someone sends you comments on a paper you wrote. Note the action on your to-do list (Incorporate so-and-so's comments on xyz paper). Move the email with the comments to the 02 ACTION SUPPORT folder so that you can quickly access when you are ready to do the task. 

You also use this folder for emails you need related to an event on your calendar, such as an agenda or meeting materials. 

The emails in 02 ACTION SUPPORT do not prompt action. Rather, they support actions that are indicated on your to-do list or calendar. 

 

03 READ

This folder is for emails that you want to read, but are not directly related to actions you need to take. For example, you may want to read about a new corporate policy or a newsletter on a topic you are interested in. 

Warning: This folder can get out-of-control very quickly. Apply some rigor. Don't put everything you would like to read if you had unlimited amounts of time. That will only make you feel bad.

Move emails in 03 READ that the real you can read given the scope of your work and commitments. Honesty is the best policy when it comes to managing your email and your work, and just about everything else. 

 

04 KEEP

This folder is for emails that you want to keep, but that you do not have (or need) another reference folder (topic/project) for.

I am not a big believer in thousands of reference folders. Reference folders for some projects can make sense. But when you've gone into the 100s with your folders, you've gone too far. It will cost more to maintain all that filing, than you will get in benefit. And, for most things, the search function works quite well. 

Note: Gmail users do not need this folder, because Gmail has the archive button. If you want to keep something, you can move it to a reference folder or simply archive. It will leave your inbox, and you will be able to find it in All Mail. 

 

05 INBOX 2

This folder is for the set-up of this new method of managing email. When you set up the staging folders, you will begin by staging the emails in your inbox, starting with the most recent going back in time. Stage email back about a week. Then, select what is left in your inbox and move it to 05 Inbox 2. This will allow you to reset your inbox to only those emails you haven't read - without having to process the 14,000 emails currently in your inbox. It is not a good investment to process email from last year. It's handled. 

Changing your inbox to a real inbox can be a big habit change for some. If initially you feel uncomfortable not seeing those thousands of emails, you can jump into 05 Inbox 2 and see what your inbox looked like just before you changed your ways for the better!

 

A few staging notes:

  • When processing your inbox, don't forget you can use the delete key.
  • After you have handled an email in 01 RESPOND, 02 ACTION SUPPORT, or 03 READ, move it out - either to 04 KEEP, a reference folder - or delete. 

 

The staging folders establish boundaries of meaning. Your brain no longer has to do mental gymnastics to understand what you are looking at.

Looking at your inbox? Those are the emails you haven't read.

Looking at 01 RESPOND? Those are the emails you need to respond to. 

Looking at 02 ACTION SUPPORT? Those are the emails that relate to something on your to-do list or your calendar.

 

Here's the secret to success... 

If you set up this email staging system, here's what could happen at first: You panic. You look at your inbox and all the stuff you have to do is not there. You fear that you are going to forget about it. Out of sight, out of mind.

Here's the secret to success to make this system work: When your email is open, you should "default" 01 RESPOND, not your inbox. You don't camp out by your mailbox at home, waiting for the mail to arrive, and you don't need to do it with your email either.

01 RESPOND is your work - that's where you should be when your email program is open. You go to your inbox to define and stage only. Then, get the heck out of there - or you will be sitting in the field of distraction. 

 

Are you ready to run your email, rather than have it run you? Then, try out these strategies and gain time, clarity, energy, and peace of mind.

Stay tuned for posts on additional email tactics to run email like a pro. 

 

Organize Your Power Tools

Meet my client, Emily (her name has been changed to protect the innocent).

If I were giving out grades, she’d get a solid A. She has put in place the systems and routines I’ve shown her to keep on top of a jam-packed life of work and family – and she’s rocking them like a pro.

Except for one thing.  

The other day she said, “It’s all those little tech things that happen. Like when I have to sign into a retirement account and I can’t find the password. Or I can’t take any more photos on my phone because I have no more room. Or I put notes about an upcoming trip in some app – I just can’t remember which one. I waste a lot of time and energy on this stuff. And it always happens when I'm pressed for time.”

 

Emily speaks for so many.

You know the drill. You sign up for the next app jazzed by the promise that this tool will save the day. Make things Easier. Faster. Better. Cooler.

And in no time, there you are with a big pile of tools, and life is not easier. It’s just more Confusing. Disconnected. Frustrating.

 

Believe me, I love an app. It’s amazing what these tools can do for us. But they can’t do it magically on their own. You have to power the tools you use. You are the brains behind the digital operation of your life.

It’s time to get your digital act together.

“You have to power the tools you use. You are the brains behind the digital operation of your life.
”
 

Create Your Power Tools Blueprint

Here’s how to go from digital chaos to digital clarity: Create a blueprint of your power tools.

First, take a sheet of paper and make a map of the types of tools you need. What are all the work and life functions that either need or would benefit from a digital tool?

Then, fill in the specific digital tool (app) you choose for the function. On your blueprint, indicate the name, and any other relevant info like cost. You are creating a visual - a map of your digital life. 

 
 

The Basic Tools

There are some basic tools of the trade that should be part your digital equipment. You will need to decide the specific "make and model" (app) that will work best for you. There are examples included below, but do some research to find out the tool suited to your style and needs. 
 

Email

Examples & Notes: There are a few types of tools in this category.

Email accounts can be hosted through webmail, such as Gmail, Yahoo, Outlook, and your Internet provider; an employer; website domain; etc. 

Desktop email clients, such as Outlook, Mail, Postbox, etc.,  allow you access your email account(s) on your desktop. You can add multiple email accounts for ease. The desktop client allows you to access your email even when you are not connected to the Internet.

Mobile email apps allow you to access your accounts on your phone. The webmail accounts and desktop clients have mobile versions. Or you can use the built- in email app on your phone or other apps that are mobile and online only, such as Inbox, Spark, Sanebox, etc.

 

Calendar

Examples: iCal, Outlook, Google Calendar, Calendars 5, SolCalendar, Fantastical 2, Cozi

Notes: Set them up to sync across devices. If you have multiple calendars, add them into one application. You will be able to select the calendar(s) you want to view. 

 

Task Management

Examples: Web-based/Mobile: Toodledo , Nirvana, Todoist, Trello; Desktop/Mobile: Things, Omnifocus

Notes: The task management apps are too good not to use. So I'm sorry, but ditch the handwritten notes. Stop rewriting your to-do list and adopt a fast tool that will give you the confidence that nothing is falling through the cracks.

 

Cloud Storage

Examples: Dropbox, Box, Google Drive, iCloud

Notes: You may have several cloud storage services. Determine the ones you have and how you plan to use them. Choose one to be the primary cloud storage and consider going to a paid plan for more space and sometimes, more security. Set up your computer to sync automatically with it.

Also, set your photos on your mobile phone to sync to a cloud service. Please. Otherwise, you may find yourself: a) ready to take a one-of-a-kind photo and no space on your phone; or b) without your phone (stolen? damaged?) and those precious photos gone forever. Seriously, set it up and make your life less stressful. 

Read about the cloud services and get to know about the security features, etc. Knowledge is power. 

 

Password Manager

Examples: 1Password, LastPass, Dashlane

Notes: Say goodbye to the cryptic notes here and there to keep track of your passwords. Or using the same password - or some variation - for everything (You know you shouldn't do that, right?). These tools not only save your passwords, but most of them autofill passwords when you visit a website from your computer or mobile device. They often back up to a cloud service, so be sure to check if the app integrates with the other tools you have. 

 

Online Research & Notes

Examples: Evernote, OneNote

Notes: Get Evernote or OneNote, if you haven't. These tools are awesome. If you research things online (and who doesn't?), these tools will change the game for you. Goodbye, bookmarks - hello, fast organization.

Let's say you are in the market for a car and doing some research so you know what you want and don't get bamboozled by the dealer. You can google until the cows come home and collect all those helpful reviews in one notebook. Neat and tidy.

Plus you can add notes, photos, and documents on the go. It's a fantastic way to organize project material and make it accessible on all your devices. 

 

Project Management (Team Communication)

Examples: Asana, Wrike, Basecamp, Trello, Slack

Notes: If you are coordinating with others to accomplish things, use a project management tool. These tools keep everyone in the loop without the need for so many lengthy meetings and emails. They make team collaboration and communication a breeze.

Slack is a little different than the others. It focuses on communication and document sharing/collaboration (rather than more elaborate task management). Slack reduces the inefficiencies of back-and-forth-and-back-and-forth email. And as far as I can tell, cool people use Slack.

 

Money Management

Examples: Mint, Mvelopes, Billguard, Wally, Pocket Expense

Notes: Keep on top of your finances - what is coming in and what is going out. These tools typically have the option to link bank accounts (or not). They are great for tracking expenses and sticking to a budget. 

 

Virtual Meetings

Examples: Skype, Join.Me, GoToMeeting, Fuze

Notes: These tools allow for real-time collaboration no matter where you are. They allow you to meet by video- or audio-conference, display slides, share a desktop, and more. If you want to quickly share a screen with someone you are speaking to by phone - jump on Join.me. It's fast and easy.

 

Travel

Examples: TripIt, TripCase

Notes: These apps keep your travel itinerary and documents in one place and keep you (and those you designate) updated about changes in flight schedules and departure gates. There are many other apps that can make traveling easier whether you need to figure out how to say something in the local language; or find the right accommodations, food, or flights; or video-document your trip. 

 

Journal

Example: Day One, Evernote

Notes: This might not qualify for "Basic Tool" status, but I'm adding it anyway. Physical journals are a joy. But I do love Day One. You can include photos, maps, thoughts, etc. in a beautiful interface. 

From a productivity perspective, I think a journal is a great tool. It's a place to reflect. What happened? What worked? What didn't? What ideas are rolling around in my head? What do I want to accomplish? What is bothering me? What is inspiring me? What am I happy about? And the powerhouse question that seems to show up on everyone's productivity tips: What am I grateful for? 

This reflective state is a must if we want to hone our skills and direct our work and our lives. So write. 

 

Health/Fitness Tracker 

Examples: Fitbit, Jawbone

Notes: Again, a fitness tracker might not qualify for the Basic-Basic list, but I highly recommend it. Two of the greatest boosters of productivity are exercise and sleep - both of which go away when we have a lot on our plate. These fitness trackers help integrate fitness into daily life. I have Jawbone and, as a result of wearing it, I now often decide to walk to the grocery store instead of drive in order to get my 10,000 steps in. 

 

Other

Include on your blueprint the other tools you use for things such as maps, weather, and social media. Then add your specialized tools, so that you can see them all lined up together. 

 

Integration: Speak to Me

My clients often express a deep longing for a single app that can do it all. And I have to bring them down to earth and let them know: it's not going to happen. 

What you do want to look out for is the integration of apps. For example, I can forward an email onto Evernote, and my passwords get backed up to Dropbox. When you are deciding on the apps to use, look at how well they play with others (or not). 

Which brings us to IFTTT (If This Then That). This is a dreamy little app that will help your apps communicate better based on your specific instructions or what they call "recipes." For example, post a photo to Instagram and it automatically saves to Google Drive. Star an email and it automatically saves to Evernote. IFTTT provides thousands of recipes you might want to try, or you can make your own. 

 

Another Reason to Have a Blueprint

Creating a blueprint of the digital tools you use helps you to see where you need a tool, have too many tools, or need a better tool. You will be able to assess how much you are spending on all those tools and if they are really working together. It helps you get a clear grasp of how you are running your digital life. 

And another thing: Part of being an adult is having your affairs in order. Which gets me to the less fun, but important, thing to talk about. One day, you won't be here. But all your digital stuff will. You won't just be leaving behind clothes and photo albums. So, while it's a little uncomfortable to think about, get your digital act together now. Create a Power Tools Blueprint. Keep it current. You'll experience the immediate rewards of clarity and your loved ones will thank you.

 

 

 

Reset for Success

I am working on a Big Project. A Big Project that matters. 

I have a timeline and well-thought plan. I also know that productivity is much more than a smart strategy or task list. So, to support my Big Project, I refreshed my personal list of productive habits – daily routines like exercise, going to bed on time, drinking water, meditating – that keep me at my best. For an extra measure of geeky motivation and fun, I even track these habits on Habit List I am all in on all fronts.

With a plan and good habits in my court, I rally each day and tick off tasks on my Big Project. I am making progress and feelin' good.

And then, one day: boom. It falls apart. 

Something happens to disrupt my steady momentum. I lose time and lose heart. I am off my game.

We are not talking about a life catastrophe. We are talking about new carpet.

I’ve wanted to get new carpet in my home for almost a year. The reason it hasn’t happened is I have to pack up everything to do it. And who has time for that?

I’ve also wanted to visit my family in South Carolina. Great idea: why not visit my family for a few days and, while I’m gone, the new carpet can get installed? Perfect.

What I didn’t take into account was that it would take me two full days to pack up my place and that I would be exhausted after packing, driving 8 hours, spending two days with family, driving 8 more hours, staying up too late watching political conventions, and then unpacking my entire home.

Once I got back home, it took me more than a week to get anywhere near my Big Project. I was disconnected from my goals, disoriented, and discouraged. And that great routine of good habits? Well, let’s just say that my Habit List had numbers in red like -15 on each habit to remind me how many days I had let slip by.

Stuff happens. And not just big stuff. Little stuff happens all the time. Interruptions, inconveniences, bad moods, a change of plans. String enough days of this stuff together, and your streak of small wins hits a wall.

To accomplish your Big Project, to play your best game each day, you must build the “reset” muscle, the ability to refocus your efforts. 

In my situation, the easy reset was to get the rest I needed and restart my habits. 

The hard reset  – and the part that makes the critical difference – was to reset my thoughts, my mindset. I saw that I had let my mind get into the reinforcing rut of frustration, worry that I won't meet my timeline, and guilt. These thoughts (that I wasn’t even aware of) frittered away my focus, clarity, and motivation. A disempowering mindset undermines the capacity for skillful action.  

Thoughts have the power to make you soar or sink.

It makes me think of tennis. I love watching tennis and have a special love for the athletic genius of players like Roger Federer and my major, all-time favorite, Rafa Nadal.

What never ceases to blow my mind about players like these guys are all those moments when they are down 3+ match points and fight back from an all-or-nothing deficit to eventually win the match.

Each point – and every stroke in each point – has everything on the line. They fight back in a long rally of jaw-dropping shots and saves - for one point – one point! – just to stay in the game - and match. And then, have to do it again. And again. 

One misstep and it’s over – all that work of the tournament, every hard won point, every phenomenal stroke, gone. The pressure of those moments…Blows. My. Mind. What blows my mind even more is how these athletes rise to meet these high-stakes situations. How do they do it? How do they deliver the goods when the unexpected happens, when their opponent gets them off their game, when they get behind?

Yes, they have conditioned their bodies to perform incredible feats of athleticism instinctively. That’s a given.

But what makes these athletes extraordinary is that they have trained their minds rigorously. They train themselves mentally to move on. They don’t get stuck. They cordon off thoughts of what just happened or what could happen. They don't weave a story out of setbacks. Rather, they use their minds to keep pace with their pursuit. They train their minds to stay in this moment where their power is. And that makes all the difference. 

“They cordon off thoughts of what just happened or what could happen. They don’t weave a story out of setbacks. Rather, they use their minds to keep pace with their pursuit. They train their minds to stay in this moment where their power is. ”

This is why we love the Olympics. It’s not just the physical prowess on display, it’s the mental strength these athletes have cultivated, day in and day out.

It’s true, not every moment of life is a Wimbledon final or an Olympic competition. But, how do you get to Wimbledon? By how you practice and play every day. You have your own Wimbledon. I have mine. We each have our own Big Game. What matters to us is on the line. 

How do you achieve your goals or make progress on your Big Project? By how you practice and play each day. This is the dedicated, daily work of becoming masterful at your game.

It starts with the everyday drill of self-awareness. When you are stuck or feeling bad, what are you thinking? Can you give yourself a better thought? Or a pep talk? Can you notice and drop the rumination? Can you inspire yourself? Can you cheer yourself on like Rafa does with his fierce, fist-pumping “Vamos!” Let’s go!

If you can’t find a way to get back into your game, then give yourself permission to do something else. Need a walk? A glass of water? Some rest? A different environment? By giving yourself a little permission to move in another direction for a moment, you can redirect and find your footing again and get back into your game. Resistance and regret only delay the reset. 

Drills to build your "reset" muscle:

1. Eliminate distraction.

What grabs your attention and steals your focus? A mess in the kitchen, or on your desk? Cable news? Social media? Email? Then, clean it up or turn it off.

2. Notice and choose your thoughts. 

What are you thinking? Is it distracting, depressing, debilitating, or disempowering? For example, is your frustration about not making progress on your Big Project leading to feelings of anxiety or stress or paralysis?

Replace  negative thoughts with something that will fuel your focus. If you often struggle with disabling thoughts, create a list of go-to statements to reset your mind. You might have to do this again and again, but your mind will catch on eventually. This is why affirmations can help. They give the mind something useful and true to hold onto.

If there are some pesky, persistent thoughts that just won't let go, then writing them down can be a way to discharge them. 

3. Get moving. 

The body and mind are intimately connected. Habitual thoughts are imprinted in the muscles. Next time you have a negative thought, notice your body. You will probably find a place of tension that correlates with the thought. Sometimes the easiest way to change your mind(set) is to change your body. Look for tension in the body and release it. Open up your posture. Another remedy is exercise. It can literally help you “move through” thoughts. Not only that, it soaks your brain in endorphins, the happy hormone. 

4. Breathe.

Hello, it doesn’t get any more basic than that! Pay attention to your breathing. Is it constricted? Short? Shallow? Are you holding your breath? A few deep breaths with focus can return your mind to the present (where your power is).

5. Remember your goal and your purpose. 

If the unexpected has taken you off course, when it's time to get back into the Big Project, review your goal and why it is matters - to you. Inspire yourself. Remind yourself.

6. See It.

What do athletes like Michael Phelps, the most decorated Olympian of all time, do before a race? They see it. In an interview for the New York Times in 2009, Michael describes how in the ready room before a race, he swims the race in his mind. And not just the perfect race. He visualizes from worst-case to best-case scenario. He sees himself overcoming possible challenges. He is creating mental models so that he is ready for anything. That way, when something happens (and things do happen), he has trained himself mentally to adopt the appropriate response, rather than "tunneling" onto the first impulse and wasting precious energy in panic and indecision. 

See yourself accomplishing your goal. Actually envision it. What is happening? How do you feel? Now, what are all the possible things that could happen? See yourself rising to the challenge. See it in living color. Swim your race in your mind.

7. Get back to your game plan. 

The assumption here is that you have a game plan. This is the value of a game plan: you can reset faster. You don't have to re-remember what you were up to and what you need to do. 

8. Do something. Anything.

Do one simple action related to your Big Project. This will help you get back into your game. You may fumble around a bit, but keep going. You will find your footing and will be back in the game in no time. 

How You Start Predicts How You Finish

 

Quick: How do most people start the workday (not including coffee)?

Bingo! The hands-down winner is email, that pesky taskmaster.

 

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Starting your day with email is risky behavior. Yet, most people do it. You want to get ahead of the avalanche. 

Why is it risky? Because the avalanche may win. Odds are this seemingly innocent act of checking email is going to take you off track, running up and down a whole network of rabbit holes.

Then, before you know it, it’s time for lunch and you’ve handled everyone else’s priorities but your own. Email can easily hijack your day and all those good intentions.

If you feel the workday gets a way from you, start paying attention to something as simple as the first few actions of the day. How you start can make a big difference to how you end.

Consider installing a start-up menu for your workday. Identify a sequence of steps you’ll take each day when you get to your desk. 1-2-3…

I recommend to my clients a start-up menu that goes like this:

1.    Check calendar

2.    Review to-do list

3.    Plot day

4.    Check email 

This simple, start-up script takes 5 minutes and will launch you in a productive direction.

First, check calendar. This is the starting ground. You see the contour of your day. You note where you need to be when. Check.

Second, review the to-do list. You select what you need to accomplish by the end of the day. Check.

Third, plot the day. Figure out when you are going to accomplish those things and block the calendar. Check. Remember, everything you do takes time. If you don’t figure out when you will do those things on your list, your day is teetering on wishful thinking.

Now that you have plotted your day, you can check your inbox. Checking email may take you beyond the 5-minute start-up menu, and that's fine (if that's what you want).

Be sure to "time block" email so time doesn't run away from you. Decide how much time you will process email, say 10 minutes, and set a timer on your phone. This protects you from going unconsciously down the rabbit hole. If, when the timer sounds, you decide you want to spend more time on your email, set the timer again. A timer will keep you honest and alert.

And yes, there may be good-morning emails that cause you to fine-tune your plan for the day. That’s fine. The difference is you are fine-tuning your plan. You are consciously constructing the day based on the solid footing of what you have in mind to accomplish. You are building your day. Not someone else’s.

What makes a start-up menu powerful is when you do it religiously. Let me explain.

Much of work – all that deciding, figuring, creating, problem-solving – happens in this small but mighty part of the brain called the pre-frontal cortex. This part of the brain takes a lot of energy to run (comparatively speaking) and it fatigues as you use it throughout the day.

Here’s the cool thing. As you do this start-up menu every day, it will get easier and eventually automatic. The start-up menu will go from being an intentional activity of the pre-frontal cortex (you have to think about doing it and apply some willpower) to an automatic script run by the basal ganglia.

The basal ganglia is that part of the brain that turns routines and patterns into automated scripts that run with very little effort or energy. It is what takes over when you drive to a location but don’t remember how you got there. It allows you to conduct much of your day without having to consciously make decision after exhausting decision. It allows you to pour a cup of coffee and add cream without having to think too much about it. 

The basal ganglia is a master pattern seeker. It notices when something happens again and again and then pulls it into its repertoire of scripts. It is supremely energy-efficient. It hums along under the surface.

So, long story short, if you make the initial effort to install a productive sequence of steps that you do every day when you get to your desk, you’ll get the attention of the basal ganglia. Soon, simply sitting at your desk will trigger an automated routine that gets you going in the right direction. This is the power of a productive habit. It’s simple: how you start predicts how you finish.

And if you want to go the extra mile, create a closedown menu, because a great start to tomorrow begins the night before. 

Get Real

 

You are lying.

No offense. It's just that in my work I've noticed  a large-scale self-deception going on.

What are you lying about? Well, if you're like many, you're lying about how much you've committed to. You're lying about how much you've piled on your plate. While you may have an unnerving sense that it's probably a lot, you avoid getting up close and personal with it. It's just too uncomfortable. Sound familiar?

The most crucial thing I promote with my clients is becoming an expert definer of work. And by "work" I mean all the commitments, big and small, professional and personal, significant and less so. Becoming an expert definer of work means not only have you identified what you are committed to, you are clear about what you're going to do next about it. So we're not talking about simply writing down the ABC Project and calling it a day. You want to get to what you are actually, physically, specifically, really going to do about it (ala David Allen's Getting Things Done  approach).

What usually happens  in the early stages of my workflow coaching with someone sounds  something like this:

(The client picks up a sheet of paper on the desk or opens an email.)

Me: So what's this?
Client: Oh, it's something I have to do related to Peru.
Me: Is it a project - is it going to take 2 or more steps?
Client: No - I just have to review and send comments on this document.
Me: Okay, so let's get that on your list.
Client: Well, this thing isn't really that important. I don't want it on my list.
Me: So you don't really want to do anything about it?
Client: No, I do - it's just not that important. It's going to overwhelm me to see all those little things on my list.

Here's the deal. Defining your work doesn't increase the amount you have. It just makes you face the truth. I see this all the time: so many hidden commitments, tasks, wishes, resolutions that you don't want to acknowedge, or get rid of. So, you secretly lug them around. Each thing may seem small and insigificant in and of itself. Yet, when combined, they weigh heavy on the shoulders. Believe me, I've been there.

 

Why do you routinely deceive yourself about how much you've committed to? Maybe it's because if you really looked at what you've committed to, you might see it's actually not possible. And then there goes your neatly-kept, idealized vision of yourself.  Perhaps you're afraid of disappointing people. Or of dissappointing yourself. Of not living up to some I-can-do-everything self-concept. Or I'm-a-helpful-person mantra. Or I'm-a-team-player ethic. Or an all-things-to-all people MO. Or an I-love-being-needed secret motive.

This may seem obvious, but it bears saying: simply avoiding knowing whether you are over-committed is never going to change reality. If you have too much - regardless of whether you've acknowledged it or not, the ship is going down.

There's a phrase I use all the time in my work ~ and it applies here:

The truth will set you free.

 

When you can look at everything you've committed to straight in the face, when you understand the practical implications in terms of your time and energy, when you can be honest with yourself: that's when you have power. That's when you are in a position to do something about it. You have the power to choose - whether it's to rearrange your schedule, make choices to skip some meetings, see if there is someone who can help you, delay something, let go of something, or renegotiate with your boss.

On the other side, if you aren't honest about everything you've committed to - an uncomfortable sense of overwhelm, anxiety and doom will perpetually pursue you. And, ironically, in that effort to not dissappoint others or yourself, you probably will.

So dissolve avoidance with awareness. Get clear about every single, little and big thing on your plate. Don't hold back and don't hide anything. Even if it makes you temporarily break out in a sweat. Get it all out there and spell out the next actions. Then, step back and ask yourself: Is this realistic? Have I over-promised? Can I do all this in the timeframes I've committed to? If not, do I need to rearrange things? Or talk to my boss? Or my family? Am I doing anything that really isn't mine to do? Is there someone else in a better position to do it? Is there someone who can help me with parts of it? Are there things here that actually don't matter? Or that I'm actually never going to do? Do I need to renegotiate with anyone?

It's true:  honesty is the best policy. Honesty gives you power. It puts you back in the driver's seat and takes those energy sappers of overwhelm, anxiety, and doom, off the road.

So, c'mon, let's get real.

~

 

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